As you know, I am recording the Next Great American Not Folk Album, because I am an aspiring rock star masquerading as a superannuated folk musician. And my brother, esteemed jazz bass player and mensch about town, contributed the bass tracks, and he is eagerly, nay, avidly anticipating the result of his labors, and he asked me, the other day, on the phone, “So when is this thing going to be done?” And the answer is: soon. It will be done soon. It will always be done soon. Because, like a baby, it takes as long as it takes.
My last album took two years. And I swore – swore! – that I would never do that again. It’s a preposterous amount of time to take to record an album, because it digests most of my mental musical energy. I don’t write songs while I’m recording, and not writing for two years is just unbearable. So two years? Out of the question. Right now, I’m forecasting that I’ll be done with this album in May. At which point, it will have been – wait for it – two years.
Like my brother, your reaction might be “What’s taking you so long? Hell, you can make a baby in less than a year.” Well, this is true – for humans. But there are many species for which it takes longer, and I think it would be enlightening to think about what species, exactly, takes as long to produce its baby as I do, and why.
Donkey and alpaca pregnancies take a year. Manatees, 13 months. Camels, 13 to 14. Giraffes, 14 to 15. Rhinos, walruses, whales, 15 to 16. Still nowhere close. But finally, we reach the elephant, at 2 years – now we’re talking.
Like an elephant, this album is lumbering and huge. The number of moving parts is insane. My percussionist and I spent more than a year working out the percussion parts in advance. I went through five bass players before my brother agreed to do it. Neither the guitarist nor the producer nor the bass player from my last album were available. I threw in an accordion player about a year in. My producer is juggling family responsibilities and his own music career. There was a pandemic. And, almost two years after I started recording and almost five years since I started planning it, I still haven’t figured out a decent arrangement for one of my favorite songs.
Like an elephant, my ears feel enormous and droopy, after listening to mix after mix after mix of eleven different songs. Several of them have lead parts, and I’ve spent weeks slicing and dicing the multiple takes into something I’m happy with. There are notes which I’ve had my producer move, individually, an eighth of a beat over, because if he doesn’t, I will go insane every time I hear it, for the rest of my life.
And finally, like an elephant, my nose is Pinocchio long, having lied, to myself and everyone else, about how long this goddamn album is going to take to finish.
I will say, though, it sounds great so far. All the musicians have been fantastic, and there’s a special guest appearance from the last album’s guitarist soon to come, and my producer is wonderful and patient and overly indulgent, and I will be proud of the result and grateful for all the contributions. Soon. It will be done soon. And then, I will have a baby elephant.